Separation anxiety is a normal emotional stage of development. By the seventh or eighth month, children become aware when parents leave. Before this, the baby thinks when mom walks away, she disappears. Because she can’t be seen or heard, she must not exist.
Separation anxiety begins when babies begin to understand that things and people exist even when they aren’t present. Your child may wonder what will happen to them when you aren’t around, which triggers a fear of being separated from the person who protects and cares for them.
Tips for children experiencing separation anxiety
It often happens suddenly, which makes it a shock to parents and it’s usually not just a one-time thing. Fortunately there is plenty you can do to minimize your child’s angst.
- Start with short separations and a familiar face. Ask grandma or an aunt to watch you baby for 15 minutes, then slowly increase your time. Even if your baby doesn’t cry, you’re teaching them a valuable lesson: You always come back.
- Leave a comfort object. It could be a t-shirt that smells like mom or dad, a blanket, pictures, or a stuffed animal. Keep things familiar and have a routine. Because children can’t comprehend why mom or dad isn’t with them, the best thing to do is keep their daily routine the same.
- Never sneak off. This can break your child’s trust in you, so instead say a quick goodbye, let them know where you’re headed, and when you’ll return. If you are breastfeeding, continue to do so because it is a point of stability in your baby’s world.
- Once you leave, leave. If you make trips back into the house or daycare center to calm your baby, it will make it harder not only on you and your child, but also the caregiver.
Tips for parents experiencing anxiety
Separation anxiety is a natural part of development for babies, but they aren’t the only ones who feel uncomfortable. Most parents feel some anxiety when they leave their children as well. If you find yourself struggling with separation, here are some tips to consider. It’s natural for your baby to cry when you leave the house, or even the room, but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier to take. Babies and parents have different personalities. Some will experience more severe bouts of separation anxiety than others. It can be frustrating for both babies and parents, but the good news is it will pass. In the meantime, try some of these tips to make it more manageable.
- Allow yourself to feel anxious. When you have a healthy bond with your child you’re going to feel some discomfort or anxiety when they aren’t around. Nerves are part of parenting instincts and they help us make good decisions.
- Know other caregivers do things differently. Whether it’s a family member, friend, or a babysitter, they will find their own way and could even show you a few of their tricks. Your child can tell when someone else is in charge and they will adapt.
- Separation is an important part of attachment. When you let others take care of your children, you’re showing them trust. It boosts their feeling of community and gives them a sense the world is a safe place.
- Taking time for you is healthy. It’s fun too, and taking care of yourself is as important as taking care of your baby.
- Look past the guilt. It’s common for parents to have guilt when they leave their baby, so acknowledge it, but don’t let it become your emotional hideout.
